For me, she is this magical goddess that I want to dislike for giving up, but I can't , because she is so perfect.

Love...

She loved him so much, but left him.
Why did she leave him?
I think, I think and I will never understand.
The parents surely played a part.
But that is not the entirety.
She was such a strong brave person,
But felt the wrath of emotion.
I still can't accept that would let her
destroy the emotion she felt.
Why? Why did she leave?
No matter what anyone says,
Will I ever be able to understand this sacfrice?
She is god in my view, for this act.
Yet still, why? Why weren't you selfish?
You hurt another equally special person in the process?
Why did you leave?
Does that mean you love another person now?
Can you truly? ( I suppose I have an answer for this question, though)
That evil other person.
But why? Why did you do this to yourself?
You were crazy, your destiny
it was all changed by you leaving.
But why? FATE.
I don't believe in Fate
I know there is something.
But what?
You persisted so long.
What made you give up?
Is there any explanation.
I would give anythign even now
for you to meet your dreams
even at my cost.
Is that what sacrifice is?
But your love was always more dear.
And the special place you held in his heart
Is still there, no matter what
Just like the special place in your heart.
Why did that third person have to interfere.
Why was he not a gentleman and leave.
I hate him more, than I'm confused about
Why you left?
Why?

I havn't blogged in ages, and today gave me a reason to blog, so here I am back.

I feel I've grown up in a black hole.

The way I deal with issues and problems was to block them, or to ignore them, or hide them, or throw them away in a diary. No one every told me this was wrong. I've always learnt to forget about how I felt yesterday.

Today, somehow I feel this is not the way to deal with issues in life. You don't need to simplify it, or make it disappear, you have to work with it and resolve it.

Thinking still.....

Vendaamnu sonna athaan venum.
Why is our heart such a child?

Experiences

The ultimate question, what is our purpose in life?

So many people come and go. Some people become close, other's leave. Time's change and so do Tides. And similarly so do people. And so do I.

Each experience in life teaches me something. When people get angry wtih me, I learn what is anger. When a long relationship falls a apart, I realise dedication and commitment. It strikes, even if late, eventually we all learn. But certain experiences, confuse me. I'm not worried, but I am muddled. Why did that occur? What was I to actually learn out of that?

Why did I feel bad with that sorry? And the other person was apologising to me. Why did I feel out of place, and as if a wall had arose between us, or that they were splashing me with sugar? ARe they trying to cheat me, or are they genuinely sorry? Why am I suspecting it? What is the point of this excercise? I shall soon find out.

Sometimes wouldn't life be so easy, when you can just forget about everyone else. Isolation. The thought of it, itself freaks me out. But then why are relationships wiht people so, so intricate? People are so different. I accept that difference, but can I live with it? I'm attempting to change a personality trait in another person. That is a sin! Because who says, I don't do that myself. Do I practice what I preach? Or preach the practice?

Wait....Yes Wait. The answer will be discovered soon. Your purpose in life, will be found. Till then, wait, and live life, cos the purpose of living is arriving soon, actually its arrived. The purpose of living is to live. To live and live and live. How many of us do that?

Sometimes we scarifice and expect those near and dear us to bear the brunt and understand. But do we ever understand them? Why are we so selfish? Its those near and dear that have the highest priority not the least. Value them, listen to them, and treat them like god. They are the one's who matter at the end of the day. The voice of experience speaks, and I shall do it from today onwards.. My incredibles, I will hang onto most of your words:)

The faceless acussations of facebook

Does a week go by without someone alleging something bad against Facebook? Is this media's way of grabbing our attention and making us read the news? Or is the jealousy rage rising, cos FAcebook is so successful?

The recent article on news.com.au, 'Facebook addicts can't relate', just blew the pipe for me. Clearly the person making these allegations has no clue or has never met a person with 900 friends on facebook.

"If you are not rehearsing looking someone in the eye in three dimensions, but instead you have 900 friends on Facebook ... one does question what kind of relationship they might be having,'' was the allegation put forward.

But this is crazy, I may have a fair while to go to reach 900 friends, but I know many other's well past this fanciful number. And I can assure you their social skills are great, and relationships are strong. You can't just randomly go an add 900 people, although you may add one or two, or a few more, and have a solely online relation that in their terms lacks 'empathy'. Its through meeting them in person that you get to add more people. So obviously some where along the line this person had met these 900 poeple.

the accusation of 'not rehearsing' is absolute attrocity. Shy people will actually feel like contributing online, and become more confident in meeting peole they've already met online, because the introduction is already done. And so what if we rehearse, doesnt that still help us in our interactions with others? Even before the net savvy days, people rehearsed to make face to face conversations, eg when they proposed, met an important person etc. So the fact people rehearse, if in fact they do this on FAcebook, can only be viewed as a positive.

We will all have the story, of meeting someone, forgetting, later finding them on FAcebook. See, fb actually encourages us to form a relationship and meet up with them later. Or how about the times, we've seen someone a 100 million times, but never had the opportunity to talk to them. Remember the times, you would have caught up with a friend, and started talking about what someone wrote on FAcebook. This just goes to suggest that fb even encourages conversations.

I'm an advocate for facebook, for the fact it connects people. There are disadvantages, no doubt, and it in no way replaces face to face conversation, but when this is not possible, Facebook is a great tool to facilitate face to face conversations.

Thus, 'YOUTHS hooked on social networking sites are struggling to relate' has no substance or merit. Facebook enhances relational skills, plus maybe a bit of stalking and bitching on the other side, but that's another blog.

The defence of Vinaithaandi Varuvaaya

Okay this is probably like a really delayed review of this movie. So I shall call it my defence for the movie. There are many raving reviews for this movie on the net. However, I seem to have found so much more reviews dissing this movie. So this is my defence to those reviews, because this film absolutely touched me! Not to the extent Kanda Naal Muthal did, and and in no way will it make it to my top favourite movies, but it touched me because the movie was so realistic. Maybe, this is an additional reason people didn't like this movie, cos it was too real ,and they couldn't accept the reality.

Forgetting all shame, I have to say, I saw myself in Trisha's character. Yes she was crazy, and in my mum's words an absolute 'loosu'. But that's how some girls are. They feel incredibly loyal to their parents, and at teh same time have to deal with the pulls of an intensive guy like Simbu in the movie. Of course, girls think a lot, and will feel a 100 different emotions, and make a 100 different decisions depending on their compusure at that particular time. And that has been aptly covered by Gautham Menon.
This was the essence of the film, it was not that they were of different religion, that he loved a girl who was going to get married, he was younger etc. Of course these things have been showed in a 100 different other tamil movies. My justification for why the director chose to add these elements, was to show that even though these differences existed, they were not the cause of the problems, it was the uncertaity of the girl itself that was the prime cause.
Further, above all, I believe Vinaithaandi Varuvaaya was a movie meant to be critical of love, as well. Simbu falls in love with a girl, he has little idea about. Of course the love swept him of his senses. Havn't we all felt that at some point in our life? But the thing is, is this true love? He knew little about the girl. He just wanted to touch her, hug her, kiss her as he constantly says throughout the movie. It was about hormones, and the feelings we get in the spur of the moment. It's about attraction. And thus led to the amount of problems, because they weren't really in love with each other. Thus the question at the end by Jessie, 'Am I really such a good person?' was classic. Simbu's character had the view that Jessie was this perfect goddess throughout the movie, and thus her inconsistent actions with this perfect image, caused problems. Thus VTV to me, is also a warning that true love begins, once we get beyond this perfect image, and get to know the person, which neither Simbu nor TRisha did.
The only thing that was a bit cowardish of the director, was the dual meaning. I know Gautham wanted the ending where they seperate, why satisfy the rest of the audience with a movie ending, that removes the realism from the movie?
All in all, a movie to watch definetly once, for not entertainment, but lifes messages :)

Clash of Culture - Part 3

Sometimes I feel that Indian's abroad hold more orthodox views than those back home. But then, this directly conflicts with movie makers perspective that people abroad are more welcome to more conservative themes, and we get movies like kabhi alvedana, aimed at a NRI audience.

Clash of Cultures- The yearning to pay!

I go out with friends. Who pays? Why is it such an issue with some people?
I go out with a group of friends, split the bill, awesome. Works brilliant. Or we all buy something, and share. That works too.
Then there are the times you go with just antoher person, where its easier for just one person to pay. The complicated times. Maybe I should never go on such occassions, but then these are the best times you get to know another person. Anyways, it would make sense to take turns at such occassions to pay. If you pay once, the next time, they should let you pay. Why do some people always insist they pay? and then use useless excuses that I'm a girl, they feel insulted, etc. I mean, come on, what abt my feelings and my worries that they may insult girls for never taking out their wallet? Why don't people let me pay sometimes?
I ask this having full well witnessed some of the worst fights back in India, of who pays after a lunch or dinner, especialy when you take extended family out to a restaurant. I supppose its associated with being Indian. Cos it works really well when I go to lunch/dinner with Aussie friends. I mean, even at a Bday dinner, there is not concept of 'treat' and everyone pays for themself. At a wedding, people are expected to give gifts that match the costs of the wedding per person. Although, I could never understand these concepts, nor agree with it; what happened to the moderate middle ground, where when you go on a normal day out, that you can pay sometimes. Special days, the pay is yours, no worries:)!

There are people in this world who live for themselves. And there are people who pretend to live for others. And then there are the extremely rare few, who don't fit into either of these categories.

I am likely to fall into both the first and second, as a Y generation 'KID' in the consumerist society of Australia, very likely! But as usual, I'm being selfish and sidetracked.

I'm just grateful that I have had the honour to meet many who belong to this third category, who without their own knowledge care deeply about those around them. My only pity is that they are the least likely, to make a change and do something with their incredible, compassionate ability they possess. Why? And why do people in the second category, so easily, make the greatest changes?

Surely the one perrson who made me blog about this topic, will achieve in life, because the sweetness of that person, defies boundaries. Even in a game of Tabletennis, to read my mind and think of other's was absurd to me. But perfectly ordinary to him. I feel sad, to see him lost in his own mind. But I know the best is set for him. It is that inside feeling telling me. He will achieve his dreams, if for nothing else, but his big heart.

To Achieve....

I'm so proud of people around me, that I know, who achieve. But at the same time, I feel inproductive. It's funny how it is so easy to settle for the easiest and simple things in life. Its almost ridiculous to realise that 10% of the population do the work of the remaining 90%. Those of which who are more than happy to sit back, enjoy, complain, and consume. I want to be part of the 10%. I want to be the creator, the revolutionist.

But times often make me succumb. Why is it easier to sit back, and complain, rather than doing something positive and proactive avout it? Why is it easier to logon to Facebook, and be the consumer, when we could be doing something equally as revolutionary? Why am I being the puppet, guided by popularity, and expectations of those around me? What gives me personal satisfaction? Have I forgotton that?

Sister in Law

I had my dance concert on Sunday. I was talking to a friend, who was also dancing. Mum walked past, and commented how good her makeup was. If you've ever been to a dance concert, you'll know how complicated make up is. My friend's mum answers that her sister in law did it for her.

My friend looks at me and goes, 'Wait till you get a sister in law.'

That statement struck me. Wait till I get a sister in law? I never even gave thought to a sister in law coming into my life. Not to be rude, I knew my brother would get married sometime. But I just never thought about the other little added advantages of having a sister in law in my life. But, then again, it kind of sucks. My friend's brother is like year's older than her. So she got a sister in law, whilst she was still single and with family. Somehow I have a feeling, that I am going to get kicked into marriage before my brother does. Thus, a sister in law, who comes into the family, and helps you out with this and that, aint in reality ever gonna happen to me. Coming to think of it, my friend didn't get it the ideal way too. Imagine having a sister in law, when your still a child. That would be nice. Like a second mum? And anways, why am I complaining, I do have a sister in law already, except just doesn't live with us. (Cousin's wife). However, things are awkward with her, cos we both keep our distance. Donno why, maybe time will heal that distance. Mathini just seems so mature though. So not a friend, nor a mum, but just a relation at the moment. But I see my cousin brother's younger bro, who is also my cousin. He is close wiht Mathini. And that is real sweet. They all live in one big joint family, so its great to see the closeness and everyone getting along. Isn't that what's important, not when I get a sister in law? But the thing is, in the orthodox old fashioned way, once the girl gets married, she doesn't really belong to that famliy, or in a modern way, doesn't spend that much time, so it sucks if I get married first, because I won't get to know my sister in law. Mayb against all odds, my brother will get married first. That would be kool!

Feelings

He came into my life, like that. His smile intoxicated me. Set me on fire. Thirsty for more. One of those rare times, I just wanted to keep talking, but became strangled for words. I made it obvious, lost my respect, flirted even people would say. But, he also left my heart like that. No it wasn’t depressing. IT just made me put him higher up. That one word killed my heart but opened my eyes. I wasn’t talking to a flirt, or a wanna-be. I was talking to a real person, with the insecure core we all possess. I respected him, at last. It ended in trust, the one word I couldn’t place previously. I’ll let you guess what that one word was. :)

Mazhai Thuli

I was walking home today

On top of the world

The freshest of air hitting me

as the rain dripped on

I was loving life

And reminded of

the simplest things

that make us so happy

Sometimes external forces sway and mesmerise you. They lull you into this false sense of security to make you think you can do it. Thanks to great friends who stand apart from the crowd, and arn't scared to advice, knowing very well that its detested, you find your true place, the place you belong. The amazing place of comfort. Could you have left it so easily? Thanks for the great friends who remind you to be yourself, without which my life wouldn't be the same!

Ice-cream

Ever had the feeling of being boring, because that's what everyone else does? You've got to stand out!... Be unique. Especially with ice-cream. Have it on a cold misty Melbourne morning. The best feeling..yet!

When I guy askes you the following questions? Does it mean something more than he's letting on?

1. Do you have a boyfriend?

2. Do I look like I have a girlfriend?

3. See that girl, (which girl?) she keeps looking at me.

4. Find me a nice ______( a category for instance, Chinese, and you fall into tht category) girl.

5. I have a movie ticket. (and?)

And. .. I thought girls were the one's who spoke with a double meaning.

Vent

There's so many things I want to blog about. And that's crazy given how tired I am, that I can't even be stuffed to move. I could blog about all 3 things...but that will just make them all lose their significance. So here is the most important.

I come from a cultured traditional family, which means, I get arranged married. I, till this date had certain expectations of that mysterious person that my parents will find me. Having, been the studious type, and having been brought up in a family of which I am the first generation to go to university, Studies are damn important.

Coming back to the point, I would've expected Mr. Suitor to be equally or higher educated than me. Expecially, with my generalisations that educated people have more practical and modern takes on things. But! I feel like I got a slap in the face today. Why? Because, there was a girl, all set to go for my cousin. Arranged. Everyone likes my cousin. BUT! The girl has studied MBA or something. A lot!...Noone has yet to pass the Bachelor's stage in my extended family. So I naturally was very excited. Did I see the other side to it?...No!...the girl didn't want to marry my cousin, cos he hadn't studied enough! Now that is dodgy, because I know my cousin. I know how great, and smart he is, he doesn't need studies, to make him more incredible. That girl was just stupid were the thoughts going in my head. And then yes, so were my stupid thoughts? Sometimes is it just worth it, to listen to the wise ones in your family, who actually have life experience, instead of forming your own stupid expectations. Go into a marriage with no expectations. The best marriage eva!

SPAM and my Ignorance

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Amma: The world of me

The world comes crashing down on you

The heart swells and becomes ugly

The lonliness torments you

The wind hits you hard and cold

There's something essential missing

There is nothing perfect about my world

Not without the gem of the my life

The one who would give the world to me

She, who devotes every ounce to me

Amma, my world is not the same without you

Smiling on me. I love you! :)

Thanks for getting over my stupidity.

Life, Uni, Jobs, everything however better it is, only becomes incredible with friends :)

Some Dodgy Businessman

Biggest joke of a businessman.
There is a sign at the postoffice - stating mail has been sorted.
Purpose of which is to tell people, mail has been sorted, once its actually done, usually around 8 or 9am in the morning.
Funnily enough, this sign is there 24/7. No surprises there!
But when Mr. Budding businessman was questioned on this queer work practice, he stated ' If I take it away, I'll forget it to put it back.'

First Day work experience

My first day in a law firm....Is this my future career? My dream career?
I'll probably need some more time to decide those questions.
But I will have to say this quite small suburban law practice is great!
Awesome friendly environment.
I feel Like I'm actually wanted!!!
What I learnt that I would never learn in law school?
Always sign a will with the same pen...i.e Witnesses and testator..all same pen!
Never staple or paper clip a will, you'll need to do more paper work(i.e affidavits) explainign why it got there.
Use your diary and file notes to pass as a good lawyer
A lot of people see lawyers for wills, purchase or sale of a property, and guarantees at this firm.
Money is held on the trust account, if you havn't billed the client for it. So bill him quickly!
Cost of post is credited to the client's account.
O and If you want to stop talking to annoying, lonely clients, just say, O there's someone at the door, I''ll talk to you later. Its a nice way to hang up.
Firms get alot of spam calls, and we complain about spam mail!
And a few other things, I shall keep to myself ;)
Smiles
Signing off
Vimala